Why I Push Myself

there is a certain point at which we take our pursuit of knowledge personally. the realization that the world in which we thrive is bound together by a cold precision that has little tolerance for error without profound repercussion, leaving no sanctuary in masked inadequacies such as luck. in this sober and unforgiving space, we find that our limits are self-imposed, being essentially rooted in our own ignorance. if you take your life's work as a representation of your idealistic self, perseverance and dedication are second to obsession. i cannot live with myself if the death of another is a result of my lack of passionate preparation, and thus i cannot respect myself if I do not obsess.

there comes a moment in the live of a physician where entropy is reduced to a single moment of utter silence and darkness, in which life and death is delicately balanced on a fulcrum of knowledge. the outcome of this single moment influences countless lives, futures, and dreams. whether a son, sister, mother, or father lives or dies is a direct reflection of your compassion, dedication, and obsession.

this is why i push myself.

to: Robert

wake up

i spent the other night doing a 'where are they now' on some of the more accomplished seniors of my high school class. as i realized the magnitudes of their achievements, my greatest works quickly began to feel so small in comparison. it is now apparent that i have much to do. i need to go where i can think clearly and do great things.

Summer of Philosophy

Being as blown away as I am about life and science, I easily get excited and into a subject for a week or so and then find a new distraction in a completely irrelevant branch (last night I stayed up till 5 reading about how to build jet packs). It is uncommon for me to remain heavily fixated on a scientific idea for longer than 6 months.

One idea has held my attention of almost a full year now...this concept of 'consciousness.' While falling into the school of cognitive neuroscience, a vast and rich field of study that fuses our understanding of the mechanics mind (cognitive psychology) with the underlying biology (neuroscience), it equally demands a strong understanding of philosophy.

So, I have decided to go all the way with this one and write a thesis on it. This requires that I commit to investing the next year or two understanding everything from journal literature to the mind blowing ideas of Nietzsche, Heidegger, Siddhartha, Tolle, and friends.

The more I read into it, the more my eyes literally fuse to the page and I start exploding with epiphanies...and then comes the urge to run around ranting all of this to anyone unfortunate enough to be around. Usually, its Vicky, Steve, or Rob, who encounter me in some feverish state ranting and raving like some estranged mystic...

So, for our mutual sanity, I am going to start raving here...starting with a quote from Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now:

Use your senses fully. Be where you are. Look around. Just look, don't interpret. See the light, shapes, colors, textures. Be aware of the silent presence of each thing. Be aware of the space that allows everything to be. Listen to the sounds; don't judge them. Listen to the silence underneath the sounds.

For a musician, this is like studying the canvas underneath the acrylic to find a deeper meaning. Cool beans.